The 'I Don't Watch A Lot Of Television But...' Meme

...but if I added up all the hours spent watching the shows highlighted below... how many years of my life has that wasted? It's really quite frightening when you think about it like that.

I stole this meme from Lee at Quit Yor Day Job. Thanks, Lee!

Rules:

•Bold any of the following TV shows if you’ve ever seen 3 or more episodes in your lifetime.

•Italicize a show if you’re positive you’ve seen every episode.


You probably won't have heard of all these shows (I certainly hadn't). So feel free to add your own favourites that might be missing (I certainly did). Despite that, I'm sure there are loads I've forgotten...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

•24 (Well, every episode up to the middle of Season 7, which I'm watching at the moment).

•7th Heaven

•Airwolf

•Alan Partridge

•ALF

•Alias



•American Gothic

•America’s Next Top Model (Only very briefly caught bits when fleeing the room as Louise puts it on)

•Angel (Not certain I've seen every episode - though I have got them all on DVD)

•Arrested Development

•Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World (Why don't they ever repeat this?)

•Babylon 5

•Batman (60s)

•Batman: The Animated Series

•Battlestar Galactica (the old one)

•Battlestar Galactica (the new one) (Chev's put me off, going on about how awful the very last episode was.)

•Baywatch

•Beverly Hills 90210 (original)

•Bewitched

•BJ & The Bear

•Blackadder

•Blake's Seven

•Bonanza

•Bones

•Bosom Buddies

•Boston Legal (I really want to start watching this though, for the Shat)

•Boy Meets World

•Brass Eye

•Brothers And Sisters

•Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I know there's one episode I haven't seen, around when Willow goes mad and kills Tara - I'll get to it on DVD eventually)



•Cagney & Lacey

•Californication (Watched all the first series, lost interest at the beginning of the second)

•Chappelle’s Show

•Charlie’s Angels

•Charmed

•Cheers (Norm!)

•CHiPs

•Chuck

•Clarissa Explains it All

•Columbo

•Commander in Chief

•Cracker

•Crazy Like A Fox (Where am I dredging these up from?)

•Crossing Jordan

•CSI

•CSI: Miami (Is that the one with Caruso? I hate Caruso.)

•CSI: NY

•Curb Your Enthusiasm

•Dallas

•Dark Angel

•Dark Skies

•DaVinci’s Inquest

•Dawson’s Creek

•Dead Like Me (Loved this show, got both series on DVD. Wish it had lasted longer.)



•Deadwood (Wish they'd finished it properly, the way they intended.)

•Degrassi: The Next Generation (I leave that for Davey.)

•Designing Women

•Desperate Housewives

•Dexter

•Dharma & Greg

•Different Strokes

•Doctor Who

•Dollhouse

•Dragnet

•Due South

•ER

•Everwood

•Everybody Loves Raymond

•Facts of Life

•Family Guy

•Farscape

•Father Ted

•Fawlty Towers

•Felicity

•Firefly

•Frasier

•Freaks & Geeks (I keep thinking I should watch this, but I bet it's dated badly now.)

•Friends

•Fringe

•Futurama

•Get Smart

•Gilligan’s Island

•Gilmore Girls

•Gossip Girl

•Grey’s Anatomy

•Grange Hill

•Growing Pains

•Gunsmoke

•Happy Days

•Hawaii Five-O

•Hell’s Kitchen

•Hill Street Blues



•Hercules: the Legendary Journeys

•Heroes (All of the first series, lost interest after that.)

•Home Improvement

•Homicide: Life on the Street

•House (Seen almost every episode, up to the middle of the last series - waiting to catch up.)

•I Dream of Jeannie

•I Love Lucy

•Inspector Morse

•Invader Zim

•Invasion

•It's Gary Shandling's Show ("This is the theme to Gary's Show, the opening theme to Gary's Show, this is the music that you hear as you watch the credits...")

•JAG

•Jackass

•Joey (I stuck with it longer than most people even though it wasn't very funny. Joey was my favourite Friend.)

•Kim Possible

•Knight Rider

•Knight Rider: 2008

•Kung Fu

•Kung Fu: The Legend Continues

•La Femme Nikita

•LA Law

•Laverne and Shirley

•Law and Order

•Law and Order: SVU

•Law and Order: CI

•Leverage

•Little House on the Prairie

•Lizzie McGuire

•Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman

•Lost

•Lost in Space

•Lou Grant

•Mad Men

•M*A*S*H*

•MacGyver

•Magnum PI

•Malcolm in the Middle

•Manimal (I slung this in here 'cos it's mad.)



•Married… With Children

•McLeod’s Daughters

•Melrose Place

•Miami Vice

•Millennium

•Minder (But not the dreadful Shane Ritchie remake.)

•Mission: Impossible

•Mod Squad

•Monk

•Moonlighting

•Mork & Mindy

•Murphy Brown

•My Life As A Dog

•My Three Sons

•My Two Dads

•Mythbusters

•NCIS

•Ned Bigby’s Declassified School Survival Guide

•Nighty Night

•Nip/Tuck

•Numb3rs

•NYPD Blue (My favourite show.)

•One Foot In The Grave

•One Tree Hill

•Open All Hours

•Oz (Jumps the shark after series 3.)

•Peep Show

•Perry Mason

•Power Rangers

•Press Gang

•Prison Break

•Private Practice

•Privileged

•Profiler

•Project Runway

•Psych

•Pushing Daisies

•Quantum Leap (Louise is friends with Scott Bakula's nephew. Have I mentioned that already?)



•Queer As Folk (US)

•Queer as Folk (UK)

•Quincy ME

•Red Dwarf

•ReGenesis

•Remington Steele

•Rescue Me (I do like Denis Leary though.)

•Road Rules

•ROME

•Roseanne (Up until Goodman left.)

•Roswell

•Sanctuary

•Sapphire & Steel

•Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? (Yoiks!)

•Scrubs

•Seaquest DSV

•Seinfeld (Watched the first four seasons on DVD - keep meaning to buy the rest.)

•Sex and the City

•Simon & Simon

•Six Feet Under

•Slings and Arrows

•Smallville

•So Weird

•South of Nowhere

•South Park

•Space: 1999

•Spin City

•Spider-Man (Nicholas Hammond version)

•Spongebob Squarepants

•St. Elsewhere

•Star Trek

•Star Trek: The Next Generation

•Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

•Star Trek: Voyager

•Star Trek: Enterprise

•Stargate Atlantis

•Stargate SG-1

•Starsky & Hutch

•Streethawk

•Studio 60 On Sunset Strip (Wish they hadn't cancelled this.)

•Superman (Eh? Other than Lois & Clark or Smallville... do you mean a cartoon?)

•Supernatural (Lost interest after about 4 episodes.)

•Surface

•Survivor

•Taxi

•Teen Titans

•That 70’s Show

•That’s So Raven

•The 4400

•The Addams Family

•The Amazing Race

•The Andy Griffith Show

•The A-Team

•The Avengers

•The Beverly Hillbillies

•The Big Bang Theory

•The Brady Bunch

•The Cosby Show

•The Day Today

•The Daily Show

•The Dead Zone

•The Dick Van Dyke Show

•The Flintstones

•The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

•The Golden Girls

•The Honeymooners

•The Incredible Hulk



•The Jeffersons

•The Jetsons

•The League Of Gentlemen

•The L Word

•The Lone Gunmen

•The Love Boat

•The Magnificent Seven (They made a TV series?)

•The Man From UNCLE

•The Mary Tyler Moore Show

•The Monkees

•The Munsters

•The Office (UK)

•The Office (US)

•The Outer Limits

•The Powerpuff Girls

•The Pretender

•The Prisoner

•The Professionals

•The Real World

•The Return Of The Saint

•The Rockford Files

•The Shield (When did the final season of The Shield run? Was that 2009? If so, it should have been in my Top Ten TV... that was brutal.)



•The Simpsons (How can anyone not have seen three episodes of The Simpsons?)

•The Six Million Dollar Man

•The Sopranos

•The Streets Of San Francisco

•The Sweeney

•The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

•The Thick Of It

•The Twilight Zone (Seen all of the original, Serling, series.)

•The Waltons

•The West Wing

•The Wire (Who the hell compiled this list? They left off The Wire? Sacrilege!)

•The Wonder Years

•The X-Files

•Third Watch

•Thirtysomething

•Three’s Company

•Tru Calling

•True Blood

•Twin Peaks (I wish they'd release Series 2 on DVD.)



•Twitch City

•Unfabulous

•Ugly Betty

•Veronica Mars

•Weeds (Quite fancied this, I do like Mary Louise Parker.)

•Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK)

•Whose Line is it Anyway? (US)

•Will and Grace

•Wings

•Worzel Gummidge

•Xena: Warrior Princess

The Birds In Our Garden

Here's a winter weather post specially for Steve. Those of you who don't enjoy a bit of harmless smut for lunch, please click away now.



Out in our snowy garden, we're having an ornithological orgy. There's a large sack of nuts hanging from the washing line and a lovely pair of coconuts which the tits on the bush just luuurve. Meanwhile, the blackbird's especially fond of my fatballs. The neighbour's cock hates the snow though. He's been crowing about it all morning. Maybe I should pop next door and sprinkle a bit of my seed around to cheer him up.

Ah, whatever happened to Fat Harry White?

Ditching the innuendo, here's the view from our attic window, and a Pulp song about garden birds...

Rainbow Songs - Red

I've been looking for another musical countdown to fill the gap left by my Top Ten One To Tens and I decided it might be nice to run through the rainbow (well, sort of). I know a couple of people like reading these lists, but really it's just an excuse for me to listen to and write about some records I've forgotten. We'll start by seeing red...

My Top Ten Reds...

10. The Rolling Stones - Little Red Rooster

I love Sam Cooke's version too, but Saint Mick brings a lazy swagger to this that perfectly suits the lyrics. Great bluesy guitar from Brian Jones too.

9. Harry Chapin - Flowers Are Red

Harry Chapin - what a songwriter! Here he rails against an education system that tries to stifle individuality and creativity in favour of dutiful conformity. (Sounds a bit like The Jock.) Ah, I'll let Harry introduce it...



8. Fountains Of Wayne - Red Dragon Tattoo

Some guys will go to any length to impress a girl. The FoWs will even catch a train out to Coney Island to get themselves ink. But the question remains:

Will you stop pretending I've never been born
Now I look a little more like that guy from Korn?

7. Arctic Monkeys - Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secure

A Saturday night cab ride through Sheffield with a loud mouth lad and his mates. You can smell the lager breath from here.

How funny was that sketch earlier, up near that taxi rank
Oh no you will have missed it, think it was when you went to the bank
These two lads squaring up proper shouting, bout who was next in the queue
The kind of thing that would seem so silly but not when they've both had a few

Calm down temper temper, you shouldn't get so annoyed
You're acting like a silly little boy
They wanted to be men and do some fighting in the street
No surrender, no chance of retreat

6. Tom Waits - Red Shoes By The Drugstore

I told you what my granny always said about women who wear red shoes ("no knickers"). Seems Tom Waits is of the same mind. Here a scarlet woman persuades her beau to steal her a diamond... and you know how that story ends up.

5. The Beautiful South - Old Red Eyes Is Back

From Tom Waits to his East Yorkshire disciple, this is another from Paul Heaton's drinking days... can you believe he's teetotal now? This is a very sad song if you give it the chance, makes you wonder if writing this tipped Paul over into sobriety?

Old Red eyes is back
Red from the night before the night before
Walked into the wrong bar walked into a door

4. Peter Gabriel - Red Rain

I loved Peter Gabriel's album So when I was a teenager (yes, I was that cool). This is the opening track, performed in the link above alongside Michael Stipe and Natalie Merchant.

The White Stripes like a bit of crimson precipitation too.

3. Gretchen Wilson - Redneck Woman

The next generation of Dolly and Tammy is here - she's a redneck woman and proud of it!

Well I ain't never
Been the Barbie doll type
No I can't swig that sweet champagne
I'd rather drink beer all night
In a tavern or in a honkytonk
Or on a 4 wheel drive tailgate
I've got posters on my wall of Skynyrd, Kid and Strait
Some people look down on me
But I don't give a rip
I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip

Cause I'm a redneck woman
And I ain't no high class broad
I'm just a product of my raisin'
And I say "Hey y'all" and "Yee haw!"
And I keep my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long
And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song
So here's to all my sisters out there keepin' it country
Let me get a big "Hell, yeah" from the redneck girls like me
Hell Yeah!

While we're on a redneck vibe, you might want to check out Randy Newman's controversial satire or Ben Folds' Redneck Past.

2. Prince - Little Red Corvette

One of the best of the early Prince hits, this continues that time honoured rock 'n' roll tradition of mixing cars and girls, with the purple one horny as ever over a young lady with a body that "oughta be in jail 'cos it's on the verge of being obscene". There's also a crazy extended metaphor about horses (which is actually a reference to Trojan condoms - "some of them used", ick!) that climaxes thus:

I guess I should've closed my eyes when U drove me 2 the place
Where your horses run free
Cuz I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures
Of the jockeys that were there before me.

Hmm, classy. Not quite as incredible as The Artist's other notable red song, Raspberry Beret... but I'm saving that for my fruit countdown.

1. Nick Cave - Red Right Hand

Nick Cave is a born storyteller, and this is one of his best. A gothic stroll through a spooky small town, it drips chilling atmosphere from every note. Did I first hear this song in an episode of The X-Files? I can't quite remember. Sends shivers down your spine, as does the classic pulp novel it was named after. Read that while listening to this and you'll never leave the house again.





Another colour next week. But... what's your favourite red song?

Killing Yourself To Live

It occurs to me that whoever organised tour itineraries for the Steve Miller Band must have been a dolt: Miller says he went from Phoenix, Arizona, all the way to Tacoma, then to Philadelphia, down to Atlanta, and then crossed back to L.A. (before finally concluding with some one-off dates in Northern California, where girls were said to be "warm"). This is terribly inefficient. It seems that even Space Cowboys need travel agents.

I can't get enough Chuck Klosterman. Most music critics leave me cold these days, but Chuck always makes me smile. Perhaps because he uses writing about music just as an excuse to write about life in general, specifically his life in general. Killing Yourself To Live is the perfect example. Ostensibly it's a roadtrip around America visiting places where famous rock musicians met their untimely ends and asking why death can be the greatest career move in the business. But most of the time it's about Chuck himself. His ex-girlfriends, his family, even his stupid job...

Right now, most rock journalism is just mild criticism with a Q&A attached; nobody learns anything (usually) and nothing new is created (ever). As a result, people who do this for a living tend to have a peculiar self-image; the relative worth of rock criticism is their core existential crisis. It's the semi-Zen quandary you're forced to consider any time to vortex of your vocation is (a) getting free albums, (b) playing these albums in an empty room, (c) thinking about what these albums remind you of, and (d) writing something that vaguely resembles an argument for why said album is relevant or uncool. The former lead singer of Soul Coughing once disregarded the entire career of Village Voice rock critic Robert Christgau by saying, "Let's face it - what Robert Christgau does is write about his mail."

(There are) ...critics who honestly believe their personal opinions on Run-DMC's Raising Hell are no more or less true than the molecular structure of sulphur, or the square root of 144, or the atomic weight of lead. These are the people who worry about being right. And for most of my life, I have disagreed with those people (or at least thought them foolish).

And that's why I love reading Chuck Klosterman. He doesn't think his opinion has any more merit than anyone else's. He just likes writing about the music he loves. And he never tries to be cool. I mean, in one chapter here he compares his ex-girlfriends to the members of Kiss and their solo albums. How often do you get that in the NME these days?

Sunset Over Snowy Meltham

Just when we thought the snow was going, it started again yesterday...

Getting a bit fed up of it now (well, in truth I get fed up of snow as soon as the first flake falls), but it makes for nice pictures.

End Of Year Meme

Just when you thought it was safe... one more, slightly belated meme for 2009...



1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Bought a house. Wow.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Don't make 'em. They just lead to disappointment. Although if I have one for '10, it's to do something about my career (or lack thereof). More on that later.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my nephew's wife. Their new baby is called Logan. (And they're not even comic geeks.) Snikt!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Fortunately not.

5. What countries did you visit?

The UK. Moving house is too expensive for fancy holidays.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Some form of success of recognition for my writing.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

June 30th, the day we became homeowners together.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not telling some of the people I work with to fuck off.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not gaining any of #6.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Broke that blasted arm. Thank god that's done with!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

The house?

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Jack Bauer's.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Michael McIntyre's.

14. Where did most of your money go?

That would be the house again.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

And again.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Shirley Lee - The Reservoir

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? More stressed.

b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, probably.

c) richer or poorer? Poorer, definitely.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Walking.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Getting pissed off at work.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

What? Next Christmas? Sod that.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

No, I stayed there.

22. How many one-night stands?

What, this year - or my whole life? Answer's the same either way.

23. What was your favourite TV program?

Done that.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yes.

25. What was the best book you read?

Done that too.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Airbourne Toxic Event.

27. What did you want and get?

A house.

28. What did you want and not get?

A lottery win. What do you mean I have to buy a ticket?

29. What was your favourite film of this year?

And that.

30. What did you do on your birthday?

Went to Staithes.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Job satisfaction.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Bwahahaha.

33. What kept you sane?

You think I look sane?

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Probably Kate Winslet still.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The complete hopelessness of everyone in government and opposition.

36. Who did you miss?

Lots of people. So few bullets, such bad marksmanship.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Did I meet anyone new?

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

It's time to change careers.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

NO CAREER NO HOPE NO FUN NO FASHION
THANK FUCK FOR THE FUCKING RECESSION!

2009 (Albums Of The Year)

But first... My Top Five Gigs Of The Year.


5. The Airborne Toxic Event

4. Art Brut

3. Luke Haines

2. Morrissey

1. Blur


I guess this is the year the music press and I finally parted company. I flicked through both Mojo and Uncut's Best of 2009 countdowns and found them depressingly similar. Both had Merriweather Post Pavillion by Animal Collective at Number One, both found room for Bruce in the latter reaches of their Top 50, neither had anything to say about Morrissey or Jarvis. I tried to look at Q's list but they had a picture of Bono, Noel Gallagher and Paul McCartney on the cover (again) under the headline 'Artists Of The Century'. It was a gatefold cover. I flipped it open to discover some of their other Greatest Albums of the 21st Century included Coldplay, Gary Lightbody and Mark Ronson. There'll be blood on the WHSmith shelves tonight.

So the music press has become irrelevant to me. Or my tastes have become old and entrenched and predictable. Or both. I sort through my favourite albums of the year and only four of them are debuts. Fourteen are by artists I already own more than five CDs by. So this is a list that will hold few surprises to anyone who knows me... but on the other hand it's also been a year in which the majority of my favourite artists have put out new albums. I'm well aware that there are all manner of decent records out there that I just haven't got around to hearing yet. Records I might well fall in love with. Who knows, Merriweather Post Pavillion may even be one of them. The fact that the critics all adore it discourages me, but that's just my simple-minded prejudice.

I dunno. Maybe I'm getting complacent. Maybe I'm less likely to search out new records anymore. I don't think that's entirely true, I've discovered some interesting new artists over the last twelve months. Some (Reader's Wives, The Melting Ice Caps, Peter Parker) haven't actually released an album this year. Others (Napoleon, Jersey Budd) have, but one or two great tracks doesn't a classic make. There are only so many listening hours in the day and (rightly or wrongly) I'm always going to give priority to the old faithful. If that makes me a fogey, so be it.

Anyway, here's the list...


20. Idlewild - Post Electric Blues

"We've gone post-electric," sings Roddy Woomble on the title track, "I've written down the concept." Who would have thought that on their sixth album, Idlewild would rediscover melody and harmony? Quite, quite lovely in places.



19. The Handsome Family - Honey Moon

The previous Handsome Family album, Last Days Of Wonder, was in my Top 3 of 2006, so by contrast this was something of a disappointment. Rennie Sparks turns her considerable songwriting... hell, writing abilities away from short stories and vignettes, concentrating instead on descriptions of place, mood and atmosphere. Songs titled The Loneliness Of Magnets will always draw my attention though. I'm still waiting for that novel, Rennie.



18. Manic Street Preachers - Journal For Plague Lovers

Larissa over at Condemned To Rock n Roll is the world's biggest Manics fan, so its no surprise that this is her record of the year. I almost feel I'm betraying her by placing it so low on my own list, but I was never a fan of The Holy Bible (I know, I know, it's heresy!) so THB:Redux was never going to thrill me as much as it would a true Manics Maniac.



17. Florence & The Machine - Lungs

Is she a 21st Century Kate Bush or just another Bjork For Lashes wannabe? Time will tell. There are moments here that suggest legendary status awaits her... and then there's that dreadful Candi Staton cover that makes me stop the CD at track 12 every time I play it. Still, Kiss With A Fist remains the best song about abusive relationships since Luka, so we'll always have that.



16. Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown

Hanan over at Music Induced Euphoria, another music blogger whose opinion I respect greatly, says Green Day haven't made a good album since Dookie. Or was it Nimrod? Yes, their recent albums have been overlong, with too many po-faced political rants that verge on the U2 (though they're still far more listenable), but I dunno... they just make me smile. The cartoon punks who grew up.



15. Jarvis Cocker - Further Complications

I love Jarv so much, I don't believe it's possible for him to make a bad record. I still can't make up my mind about Further Complications though. The rockier sound worked well live, yet despite Steve Albini's production, on record it doesn't have quite the same impact. There's nothing here as coruscatingly epoch-defining as Running The World or Common People... but he's still got whatever 'it' is.



14. Richard Hawley - Truelove's Gutter

And so the Sheffield Sinatra records his very own In The Wee Small Hours, a record to listen to at 3am with a broken heart and a bottle of whiskey. Timeless. Any Major Dude With Half A Heart's album of the year.



13. Shirley Lee - Shirley Lee

Spearmint frontman Shirley Lee records his most personal album to date, with the whole band in support. I can't think of any other record that makes me cry like The Reservoir does. It's like Field Of Dreams in song. Just beautiful.



12. Thea Gilmore - Strange Communion

A Christmas album? Really? I've already tried to explain why Strange Communion is far more than a Christmas album, but the proof lies in puddings like this...



11. God Help The Girl - God Help The Girl

Imagine watching Dusty Springfield, Petula Clarke and Sandy Shaw in a musical written by Belle & Sebastian's Stuart Murdoch, performed in a Glasgow church. Now press 'play'.



10. Eels - Hombre Lobo

More 'keep going' anthems from the king of diamonds in despair, Mark 'E' Everett. If it ain't broke, why fix it?

Well when you're down
And all alone
There's always somewhere you can go
Here I am, a true friend
There's nothing gonna change over here on my end
Don't be scared, It's better shared
You know I always cared

I'm an every-thing's-all-righter
I'm a prizefighter

9. Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More

Who'd have thought that one of the coolest new bands of 2009 would be straw-chewing folk-revivalists? Over at Love Shack, Baby , my old pal Tarty Tart included this among her faves of the year... and then a debate kick off about whether the album features just too many damned creSCENDOS!!! Possibly. But I do like a good creSCENDO!!!!



8. Arctic Monkeys - Humbug

JC, The Vinyl Villain, found the third Monkeys album to be something of a let down, and others agreed. Roping in Queens Of The Stone Age for production duties proved a surprising sonic departure, but lyrically I found this record far more interesting than their previous one, My Favourite Worst Nightmare. Still not a patch on their debut, but what is?

Alex Turner really needs a haircut though.



7. Morissey - Years Of Refusal

Poor old Morrissey, he's not had a very good year. Collapsing on stage, getting bottled off, appearing With Adrian Chiles on The One Show... he must be in a right old mood about now. Still, that's good news for us, since a moody Morrissey is more likely to come back with a great album as revenge. The worst that can be said about Years Of Refusal is that I can't ever imagine it being anyone's favourite. One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell... but not just yet, eh Moz?



6. Art Brut - Art Brut Vs. Satan

In which Eddie Argos and co. continue to plough their way towards the top of the charts, battling the woefully indifferent record buying along the way. Eddie's back in January with the debut record from his other band, Everybody Was In The French Resistance... Now. Can't wait.

I read a rumour in a tabloid paper
You said something interesting, denied it later
There was no evidence, they couldn't make it stick
It's on Youtube now and then
But comes down pretty quick
So we stayed up and we argued all night
If we can't change the world
Let's at least get the charts right
The record buying public shouldn't be voting
The record buying public shouldn't be voting
How can you sleep at night
when nobody likes the music we like?
How am I supposed to sleep at night
when no one likes the music we write?
Record buying public - we hate them
This is Art Brut vs. Satan
Don't worry, we can take 'em!

5. Bruce Springsteen - Working On A Dream

Magic was my favourite album of 2007, and while Working On A Dream couldn't quite live up to that, it's hardly treading water. Opening with the 8 minute epic of Outlaw Pete, it goes on to play the pop card more blatantly than he has since Born In The USA. Some dismissed Queen Of The Supermarket and Surprise, Surprise as throwaway sunshine, but I found them to be real smilers. Then there's the heartbreaking double-whammy that closes the album - Danny Federici tribute The Last Carnival and the theme to Mickey Rourke's The Wrestler, which may well be the best song Bruce has written this decade. Not bad for an old guy.



4. Flight Of The Conchords - I Told You I Was Freaky

As I mentioned previously, my first impression of the second series of Conchords was that the songs weren't as strong. I seriously doubted whether the subsequent album would impress me as much as their debut... but it turns out I might even love it more. A good sign of how much I like a record is when I'm trying to think which track to include as a sample... and I'm torn between so many great options. Do I go with Roxanne parody You Don't Have To Be A Prostitute... the wonderful Rambling Through The Avenues Of Time which steals the melody from Billy Joel's Piano Man and the cod-bohemian attitude of Peter Sarstedt's Where Do You Go To My Lovely?...

She looked like a Parisian river...

(What, dirty?)

She reminded me of a winter's morning...

(Oh, frigid?)

She was comparable to Cleopatra...

(Quite old?)

She was like Shakespeare's Juliet...

(What, thirteen?)

Then there's Too Many Dicks On The Dancefloor (which if I didn't know better, I'd swear features Denis Franz in the video), My Humps parody Sugalumps, and the incomparable Carol Brown (directed by Michel Gondry).

In the end, I went with We're Both In Love With A Sexy Lady, which turns out to be a pisstake of a track by R Kelly and Usher that I'd never heard, but now find myself strangely drawn to.



There's some question as to whether the Conchords will return for a third series and album, but damn I'll miss them if they didn't.

3. The Airborne Toxic Event - The Airborne Toxic Event

I haven't seen TATE's debut album on any other Best Of 2009 list - was it originally released in '08, or am I the only one who appreciates the wonder of their Springsteen-meets-The-Smiths sound? Ah, who cares as long as they keep making records as good as this one.



2. Luke Haines - 21st Century Man / Achtung Mother

Some artists just get better with age. The Auteurs were a fine band, Black Box Recorder were lots of fun (and I keep hoping for a proper reunion), but Haines's solo output now puts both in the shade. The author of my favourite book of the year almost scored the year's best record too - that's some going for someone who was "all over in the 90s". Best heard with the limited edition bonus disc Achtung Mother which features a chilling spoken word tale of egos on the loose in the artworld, this could very well be Haines's masterpiece.



1. The Scaremongers - Born In A Barn

I've been chelping on about local poet extraordinaire Simon Armitage's mid-life crisis band The Scaremongers for a couple of years now, so it was great to finally get a full album from them - and see them live in Hebden Bridge. Somehow this record stayed with me more than any other this year. It told me stories, it made me smile, it had me singing along... it even made me want to form a band when I hit forty. Anyone up for it? You've got just over two years to practise...



Right then, that's 2009 done with. I promise, no more lists until at least 2010. Happy New Year, everyone. I'll see you again when the dust settles.